Sunday, August 17, 2014

Blogging is weird.

I've been thinking about why I started blogging again this summer. Honestly, I've followed a handful of style blogs for half a decade now, and part of me always wanted to make one too. With a blog, I'd be able to present a beautiful, happy, highly-curated version of my life. So that people would like me!!! Haha. There, I've admitted the embarrassing truth. I can't be alone on this. Everyone likes to be liked! I can't stand the thought that there might be people out there who don't like me, or people who I've unintentionally upset. It's like that quote from The Office, where Pam says she doesn't even like the idea that Al-Quaeda hates her. "I don't think they'd hate me if they got to know me," she says.

So back to the original question. Why am I even doing this silly blog thing?

My first answer would be that I'm trying to create an organized record of memories, photos and events to look back on. Facebook dilutes the quality of your photos, so it makes more sense to present my favorites here here via Flickr links. Plus, blogging is a good writing exercise. And I wanted these memory "records" all in one place, minus the random tidbits that clutter my Tumblr.

In that case, why aren't I just writing these things in my journal? The number one reason: I'm lazy. Laaazy. I can get the same thoughts out on a computer in way less time than it'd take to write them out. And anyway, journaling and blogging have two different purposes in my life. Blogs will always be written with an audience in mind, no matter how personally you treat them. I'll never be 100% myself in these posts because part of me (even a subconscious part) will always be thinking about how other people will receive them. This isn't necessarily a bad thing. Basically everyone does this all the time, presenting themselves in carefully-considered ways, either on their Facebook profiles or in face-to-face conversations; social media has just made it more easy. (I kinda alluded to this in my pontification on selfies.)

My journal, on the other hand, is for dark times, incoherent vents, and embarrassing, mushy stuff that I need to get down without worrying about writing quality or judgment. And there are definitely times and places for that kind of writing. (There's an entry in my diary that was written maybe 30 minutes after my first kiss teehee)

I think I'm suddenly questioning my intentions with this blog because some people might see blogging as a narcissistic. But you know what?  I've always loved reading about people, even people I don't know (hence the style blogs I've been reading for years now). So I suppose that's why I don't find it strange to want to share my day-to-day triumphs/frustrations with the worldor in my case, with any friends or family who happen to find my blog.

So there. This blog is for me. And for Future Me, who will not remember a thing about her life if I don't look out for her. I probably didn't need to write a whole essay just to figure that out, but I suppose you can consider this post my statement of purpose for blogging. (I hate doing anything if I can't see the point of it.)

Whether I keep this up for the rest of college, or just the next semester, I think I'll be glad to have something to revisit and remind me of what it was like to be twenty years-young.

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